I had a table at a health expo a few weeks ago at my local YMCA. It was great because I met so many people who said, “Sleep consultant? I had no idea that such a job existed!” I really enjoyed meeting parents who feel hopeful that their current sleep situations do not have to be permanent and that I can help them make positive changes in their lives. Ah, the things we can do once we know we can do them!
There was one interesting encounter during the morning. A woman from another booth stopped by and asked me what I did. When I told her that I am a certified infant and child sleep consultant, she said, “Well you and I are going to get into a fight. I’m a lactation consultant.” I was completely taken aback by her comment, but quickly said, “Well, this is an awkward way to start a conversation, but I believe it’s in our best interest to work with both mom and baby so that healthy sleep and feeding habits can be established.” I think my response surprised her and that she fully expected me to say that I tell parents to lock their children in their rooms and let them cry for hours.
As I was driving home later that day, I had a mini-conversation with this woman in my head. I’m sure you’ve done this before as well, when you think about all of the things you should have or could have said to make yourself look and sound like a rock star. If I had the chance, here are a few of the things I wished I could have told her:
- I nursed both of my children for 13 months. I fed on demand for several months before moving to more of a schedule. I prioritized both feedings and sleep needs for my children from day one. Does this make me super woman? No, but it gives me firsthand experience in having breastfed children who slept well. The two can go hand in hand! (If I tell you it can be done with relatively no crying as well, would you believe me?)
- Many of the clients with whom I have worked came to me with sleep issues, but upon further discussions, we also addressed feeding issues. When we fixed their sleep problems, the feeding issues pretty much took care of themselves. Nobody eats well when they are exhausted. Think about the eating habits you develop in times of stress and exhaustion. Chances are, you are eating too little of the right foods too often. It’s only when we look at the whole picture– a food diet and sleep diet for our bodies– that we are able to perform at our very best.
- The issue of breast is best should be taught in a loving and nurturing way to all moms, and the militia should not be called in against a mom if she cannot breastfeed for one reason or another.
- A lactation consultant/nighttime nursery nurse saved me. When I was bringing my son home from the hospital, I jokingly asked the nurse (who I babbled endlessly to for two nights every time she came into my room) if I could call her that first night home if I needed help since she wouldn’t be there. She gave me her number and didn’t even sound surprised when I called her on the second night around 3 am. I was in a hormonal panic. She promised me that I would be able to handle everything, including feedings, and that I just needed to try to relax and sleep when I could. That would help milk production, assist in my body healing well, and would be best for my baby. When my daughter was born, that nurse was on vacation, but I got to see her as we were being discharged. She didn’t remember me and laughed when I told her about how I called. She didn’t think I was crazy for asking for help and she gave it freely even though I technically wasn’t under her watch anymore. That is the kind of support new moms need and deserve; not someone who barks and uses guild to talk them into doing something, or threatens to fight what could be a wonderful potential partner in the baby world.
- Our society loves drama. It forces us to take sides even when it doesn’t occur to us to take sides. Breastfed? Bottle fed? Sleeping in a crib? Organic? Conventional? Parents need good information so that they can make decisions on what works best for their family.
There are wonderful lactation consultants out there who are willing to spend ample time with new moms to help them breastfeed successfully. I don’t want to give the impression that I believe that all lactation consultants are as cranky as the one I encountered. I know that most would do all they can to support new moms, which is why they got into the business they did in the first place. As a sleep consultant who wants to give the very best information I can to new moms, I see them as a natural partner in helping families learn, grow and stay healthy.
Lorna Aliperti is one such lactation consultant. She is a team member of the Family Sleep Institute and a board member of the International Association of Child Sleep Consultants. I reached out to her to get her take on how she thinks lactation consultants and sleep consultants can work together. She said, “I think that lactation consultants need to work with all mothers to help them achieve their parenting and breastfeeding goals. Many breastfeeding parents use sleep consultants and successfully modify their children’s sleep habits without damaging their nursing relationship. Breastfeeding is very flexible and it has been my experience that sleep consultants are very interested in preserving breastfeeding. It is great when both consultants can work together–everyone benefits.”
When looking to hire someone to help you with your family, whether it is for sleep, feeding, or something else, make sure that it feels like a good fit for you. If someone tries to tell you that you can’t breastfeed and have a good sleeper, you may want to look to someone who believes that you can. It really does take a village!
A pic of my little guy many years ago — happy thanks to healthy feeding and sleeping habits!